By Bill O’Reilly
I had a vision the other night, which was actually a feverish dream. The vice president of the United States agreed to be interviewed by me. Crazy, I know, but here’s how it went down.
O’R: Madam Vice President, thank you for doing this.
KH: I hate you.
O’R: Wow, any wiggle room there?
KH: None. You are a pecksniffian and a troglodyte. I can’t believe I’m here even in a dream.
O’R: Got it. Let’s proceed. Are you standing by your statement that you can’t think of anything the Biden administration should have done differently?
KH: Let me be clear. I am not Joe Biden. I don’t have a private beach and government-paid servants to set up umbrellas and chairs. In fact, I was raised by a single mother who could not afford to take us to the beach. I had to work at McDonalds, which was no day at the beach, I assure you.
O’R: But on policy, anything you would change? Afghanistan, maybe?
KH: I think that, to be very honest with you, I do believe what we have rightly believed, that some issues are just settled.
O’R: Should I drop this line of questioning?
KH: Doesn’t matter, I’m not going to answer anything directly no matter what you do. Did I mention that I loathe everything about you?
O’R: I believe you did.
KH: Good. You might even be worse than Trump, who idolizes Hannibal Lecter.
O’R: Polls say 70 % of Americans believe the country is not doing well. Why do you think that is?
KH: It’s all about the significance of the passage of time. So, when you think about it, there is great significance to the passage of time in terms of what we need to do …
O’R: Sorry to interrupt but I’m confused.
KH: I’m speaking. Let me finish or is that concept too sophisticated for your minuscule brain to process? I am talking about the passage of time which has great significance to the lives of our children.
O’R: Do you think the passage of time has affected President Biden?
KH: In order to contextualize Joe Biden you have to understand where he exists in our history as it relates not only to the past but to the future.
O’R: How about undocumented migrants? Any thoughts or concerns?
KH: Where are your ancestors from?
O’R: Ireland.
KH: Let’s hum Danny Boy!
O’R: Might not have time for that, your advisers are giving me the wrap and one of them just hit me with a rock.
KH: Cause we hate you.
O’R: I understand. Last question. Inflation has really hurt working Americans. How did that happen?
KH: Trump did it.
O’R: But inflation was less than 2 percent on his watch. It jumped to more than 8 percent in the first year of your administration.
KH: Inflation was low under Hitler so that’s why Trump kept it down. We must recognize that the Nazi Party existed in a moment of time, and that moment was embraced by Trump, who wanted to name his Florida estate Third Reich a Lago.
O’R: Did not know that. Anything you would like to say before we wrap?
KH: Just that I despise every fiber of your being and when I look at the constellation I am hoping it falls on you.
O’R: You’re not alone.
