By Robert Scott,
In Letters to Students: What it Means to Be a College Graduate, my co-author, Dr. Drew Bogner, president emeritus of Molloy University, and I explore topics such as critical
thinking, the meaning of the liberal arts and sciences, how do we know what we think we know, and the meaning of success, among others. We also discuss writing and speaking, finding and using one’s voice to speak up.
When I asked a young Adelphi graduate about advice he would give to students and fellow alumni, he said, “Trust yourself.” We then had a stimulating conversation about his high school
and college paths, including advisors, mentors, and friends.
“Trust yourself” sounds like a simple admonition, but what does it take? It certainly requires self-confidence, i.e., confidence in yourself based on experience in overcoming obstacles. Self-
confidence derives from reflecting on past experiences and learning from listening to critiques offered by family, teachers, coaches, and friends.
It is important to ask for advice, but this takes self-confidence. I don’t mean arrogance or blind faith. Asking for help requires that we be willing to listen to others. We gain this confidence by
working with others on collaborative projects and tasks,
Asking for advice does not mean “paralysis by analysis,” that is, delaying a decision by seeking endless amounts of information. There is a saying that “the perfect is enemy of the good,”
meaning that seeking perfection can take so long and so much effort that we don’t get anything done. We should instead accept a good outcome that can be a step toward a more perfect
solution.
Many people think in terms of probabilities. What is the probability that we can achieve the outcome we seek? In this way, we can trust that we will succeed in our task. This takes preparation and practice. In a way, we are always preparing for the future by reflecting on our experiences and building a store of knowledge about challenges, successes, and failures faced.
I had a mentor whose advice helped me gain confidence in myself. He was one of several, but he was especially helpful. He would say, when I asked about a decision I had to make, “Secure your
footing before you extend your reach.” In other words, be confident in your position before taking the next step.
Take reasonable risks, whether deciding on an issue at work or on a new job. He would then say that this is good advice for life as well as for mountain climbing.
Mentors, teachers, and friends can all provide a network of supporters, of those who encourage us in our efforts. They can help us retain or gain faith in our strengths, and in our resilience.
I remember a time in junior high school when some wise guys called to me and said, “What are you looking at, kid?” I was always fascinated by people and was curious about these schoolmates who dressed in black and acted tough. I had seen them bully others and did not want to tangle with them. I also did not want to act scared.
So, I waved to them and said “Goodbye.” I walked away and they seem confused. I trusted that I could pull it off without getting into a fight.
As students, we have decisions to make. Should we join a fraternity or sorority? Should we join a club or a team? Should we study what we love or what our parents say will lead to a good-paying
job? We can balance the pros and cons, weigh the alternatives, seek advice, but, ultimately, the decision is ours. We must trust that we have considered the alternatives and then trust in
ourselves to make the right decision.
In our jobs, we have many decisions to make. Should we hire this person or another? Should we sign a contract with this vendor or that? Should we promote this person or not?
I trusted myself when it became obvious that I had to make some major decisions as a college president. The governor cut funding for higher education and agreed to a union contract that
increased compensation without providing the funding to pay for it.
This happened in May, just weeks before the start of the new fiscal year. It was the equivalent of a 9% budget cut.
I did not want simply to cut all campus budgets across the board. I thought that was a path to mediocrity. So, I asked for advice about what to do and agreed with a suggestion to eliminate
football. Attendance at games was minimal and the coach was leaving for another institution.
Without a coach and with the star quarterback on probation due to grades, the time seemed right to save a great deal of money and preserve academic integrity.
I figured the decision would be controversial, but knew I had the support of the vice presidents and the chair of the board of trustees. I also knew it was the right decision and trusted myself.
A couple of trustees were unhappy, even though I had briefed the board three times, but the rest of the board supported my decision and prevailed.
I also remember a time when I didn’t trust myself. I didn’t intend to lose confidence but the prevalence of opinion from others was such that I buckled and went against my instincts. As a
result, I learned a valuable lesson: listen to others but trust myself and my values.
On another occasion, I asked approval from a higher up who took so long to answer that I lost an opportunity. At times it is better to ask forgiveness than permission.
For each decision, we have choices to make, and some choices have more serious consequences than others. But if we trust ourselves, if we have reasonable self-confidence in the probabilities
of the success of our decisions, if we have considered the alternatives and have confidence in our choice, we can move forward.
Trust yourself.
Robert A. Scott is President Emeritus, Adelphi University and Ramapo College of New Jersey;
Co-author, “Letters to Students: What it Means to be a College Graduate,” Rowman & Littlefield,
2024.
An earlier version of this article appears as Chapter 3 in Letters to Students: What it
Means to Be a College Graduate, Rowman and Littlefield, 2024, co-authored with Dr.
Drew Bogner, President Emeritus, Molloy University.
